maybe it will be me

yesterday was my last day working with cole on my unit. today is his last day as a student there and although i tried to work overtime today to enjoy him for just a few more hours, they didn't need me. and so here i sit, waiting for my partner to come home to me. waiting to kiss him as he walks in the door. waiting to see what happens next in our ever changing life.

working with your partner is challenging. like i mentioned earlier, i watched my parents work together. and it often seemed a struggle. but i must say, i enjoyed working with cole this last month. we never cared for the same patient. and our jobs are so different (even though we are both healthcare professionals). but we were able to wake up around the same time. get ready side by side. drive in together on the days of work we shared. gaze at each other down long hallways. flirt ever so slightly. and share work tales at the end of the day that we both understood.

at the same time, there are things i very much disliked about working together. sometimes waking up at the same time and trying to get out the door at the same time was a struggle. sometimes we fought over parking money and who gets to drive the car home and who has to take the bus (because i get off at 1930 and he gets off at 1700). sometimes i didn't want to hear about cole's work day - especially on my days off - because i get enough of cancer while i am at work (and unfortunately, think enough about it when i am not). and sometimes, although we shared the same kinds of patients with the same diseases and complications, we were interested in different parts of their stories. cole has an interest in immunology and cell lines; he wants to know the difference between CD45 cells and NK cells. i, on the other hand, care less about that and more about how much my patient misses their children. or how worried they are about their finances. or how afraid they are to die.

i am not suggesting that one interest or role is more significant than the other. both are equally important. but i found it very interesting that even when taking care of the very same population of people, cole and i are different. different is good. and sometimes it's hard.

cole very much enjoyed working with stem cell transplant patients. and over the last four weeks, we dreamed of what it would look like if he chose to work there. and a part of me thinks it would be good. i would be excited for him to start and learn and share that part of my life. and a part of me thinks it would be hard.

cole is not finished with school until august. august 28th to be exact. and he likely won't start working until late fall or early winter, due to taking his boards, getting licensed, and finding a job. but i'm excited to see what his future holds. what our future holds. where he will be working. and with whom.

maybe it will be me.