i scream, you scream, we all scream for...

ICE CREAM!

i'm having a good day today for a silly reason. nurses are part chef, part waitress. and so, on occassion, i get to whip up a milkshake with carnation instant breakfast, 2 small cartons of vanilla ice cream, and a splash of milk - the ratio is crucial! and don't knock the strange ingredients until you try it! the best part of making this concoction is not the joy on the face of the patient, but the critical taste test that i allow myself! and today, i've made not one, but two strawberry shakes. and hence, had not one, but two sample spoonfuls. i prefer the vanilla and the chocolate flavors, but i won't complain. i do enough of that and who complains about ice cream anyway?!?

to go or not to go!

today was a rough day. and i go back tomorrow.

sometimes, it is so challenging to motivate myself to return to a place full of stress, illness, diarrhea, chaos, blood, nausea, crying, pain... the list is endless.

i precepted a brand new nurse today; it was her first shift on our unit. and i warned her, there are just some days that are plain ol' hard... some days your best isn't good enough. some days you never want to return. some days you wish you worked behind a computer. and some days you stay late, more than the 12.5 hours you're scheduled for.

by 7:40, i was done charting, done giving report, done with patient care; in short, i was done, done, done! but i stayed an extra ten minutes to walk out with nursing friends - to share our days' stories, to unwind, and to motivate one another to come back tomorrow. i'm planning on showing up. i wonder who else will join me?

back to work

it's been a LONG time since i've written. in fact, it's been a LONG time since i've worked! i took off three weeks of work to go to bali, indonesia! and it was AMAZING. the whole thing - the first week which was yoga, the second week which was adventure, and the remaining days pre and post travel to prepare and then to catch up. what was also fantastic was the time away from sick people, from death, and from sad situations.

now, i'm back. and it's the same. more cancer, more sadness, more death...

an update on things at work from while i was away:
there were SO many sad stories and situations before i left that only got more sad while i was traveling. one of my very favorite patients, a 50 year old filipino woman, got discharged home to die; she was going to fly to the philippines to be surrounded by her 11 brothers and sisters. another 50 year old gentlemen died in the intensive care, with tubes in every orifice, and his parents by his bedside, devastated that they couldn't take his place. the 62 year old woman who had been here since october or november finally passed away (to join the mom whose comfort she had been craving so much). and there are numerous others whose stories go undocumented.


today has been slightly comical for a change. i'm taking care of a patient who is confused; i'm not sure of her baseline mood and behavior, but i think she might be crazy to begin with! anyway, she's totally off the wall today and i got called a name while trying to help her. let's just say, it was not christa - it's something i've never been called before... "you're a smug little shit!" she said with glazed, devilish eyes. how does one respond to this name calling? "why thank you!" i said, a bit taken aback!

time off from work was so restorative. i thought a lot about my patients while away; they inspire me and teach me many things. and i love being a nurse, but mainly in retrospect... if that makes sense. i love the idea of nursing, when i'm not in the midst of a crazy 12 hour shift! but despite the vacation, i'm already looking forward to my next non-healthcare related adventures (of which, thankfully, there are plenty).

in august, i'll be camp nurse at camp parkview, a camp for developmentally disabled adults (my fourth year as nurse, my 12th plus year of involvement). in september, i'm climbing mt. rainier - wish me luck! and the following week, i'll be heading to upstate new york for one of my best friend's wedding and a short rendezvous with my mom in the big city. not long after that, the first week of october, it's off to nepal for 10 days of trekking and 2 weeks of building a home with habitat for humanity in pokhara!

wish me (and my patient) sanity for the remainder of the day and patience as i wait to embark on more trips and adventures!