where will i be...

i haven't written about work much. and i don't know why. i keep telling myself to.

things are changing on my unit. nurses are leaving. i think in the last year we've lost something like 20 nurses. many people whom i have enjoyed working with. many who have made my job a fun place to show up in the morning for a daunting 12.5 hours. they say they're leaving because they're unhappy. with our schedule. with management. with the success to loss ration.

but me. i still don't feel like leaving. it's not that i'm perfectly content at my job. but i don't like change. and i still like the remainder of my colleagues. and although 12.5 hour shifts are LONG, i have a permanent day position. and my schedule pretty much rules. and i typically take off a month per year. and i've accumulated plenty of sick and vacation time. enough to take some maternity leave if i ever get to be pregnant. and i'm comfortable there. i know what i am doing. i'm good at it. people ask me questions and i know the answers.

at the same time, i don't see myself there forever. and that scares me. where would i go? and when? will i ever be brave enough to become a home health hospice nurse? or will i do something totally uncharacteristic and try labor and delivery? (i'm fairly certain the answer is NO). ICU? would nights ever work better for me? or a clinic job? school nursing?

a lot of unknown scares me. some excites me.

i wonder where i will be a year from now.

five years from now...

ten.