horrible tragedy

lots of bad things happen at my job. we have more deaths on our unit than any other unit in the entire hospital. but rarely do horrible things happen to people with whom i work.

last night, a horrible thing happened to a colleague. i almost can't think of anything more terrible. a mom-to-be called in sick last night for her shift today because she was in the hospital. one would think, with only three to four weeks until her delivery date, that she was delivering early. perhaps everything would be fine. premies born just a few weeks prior to their due date are typically a-okay. but this poor woman called in sick and had bad news to report. somehow (and i don't know the details and cannot fathom the situation) she lost her baby.

nurses on my unit cried. some of us tried to figure out scenarios in which this tragedy could happen. other were too stunned and shocked to speak. i came home last night and felt out of sorts, more so than usual. i felt devastated for this nurse (and to be honest, i don't care for this woman - we do not get along and i do not think highly of her nursing abilities). but i would not wish this loss on my worst enemy. when i thought about why i was aching so badly, i decided it's because i am an empathetic person. it's my blessing and my curse. i feel for others so much that sometimes i hurt when others hurt.

you know, my job is sad. but typically there is warning before someone's demise. illness precedes death on my unit. but this loss feels more tragic because instead of preparing for a challenge with the possibility of a bad outcome (as patients do prior to transplant), pregnancy prepares mothers for blessings, for change, for ten wiggly toes and soft-as-a-baby's-bottom skin.

i left work last night with a new appreciation for labor and delivery nurses. my dear friend emma used to work on the labor and delivery unit in my hospital. we always used to joke about how our jobs are so different, almost polar opposites - she brought little ones into the world and i assist older ones out. but sometimes, i guess our jobs aren't that different. we don't like to acknowledge it, but sometimes nurses, nurses like emma, have to do my job too. sometimes little ones pass. and i am so sorry for my colleague that they do.