the C word

i've discussed my dad being a patient.  i claimed he was my very favorite.  although, i don't like taking care of him.  because i don't like to admit that he is sick.  and i hate to witness his steady decline.  his aging.  and his heart pooping out.

but i like it just as little when my mom is the patient.  in the last few months, my mom has been a patient.  not the heart kind.  thank god.  a different kind.  that could be equally as dangerous.  and just as scary.  it's just a different organ.  did you know that skin is an organ?  one of the most vital.  if we didn't have it - imagine, the rest of our stuff would fall out!

anyway, my mom went to a dermatologist to get a tiny skin tag removed.  it was on her neck.  but thankfully, the dermatologist asked her to get NAKED - even though they'd never met.  the naked part served to be crucial.  as he did a total body scan of all of my mom's moles, sure enough, he found some suspicious ones.  and sure enough, after the biopsies, one came back as melanoma - the big daddy of all skin cancers.  the bad one.  the one that can metastasize.

so, we went back together.  to get the margins removed (especially with melanoma, you want to be sure you've removed ALL of the cancer).  and i watched as they sliced a nice chunk out of my mom's back. i asked questions.  lots of them.  like the nurse daughter that i am.  and hoped to never seen the man again.

but, three months later (now my mom needs every 3 month total body scans), he found more suspicious moles.  and he did 3 more biopsies.  and one more returned positive for melanoma.  another - basal cell.  neither is good.  no one wants misbehaving cells on his or her body.  and i don't like it ONE BIT.

perhaps i'm not the nicest of daughters . . . but as my mom worries about my dad's health and always talks as if he is going to die so soon and she will be left alone, i remind her that she could die first.  i mean, right?  she could be hit by a bus.  or have a heart attack.  or get skin cancer.  it's not like i want that.  but i'm a pessimist.  and sometimes a realist.  and perhaps i just don't like the idea of my dad dying ever or of leaving my mom alone.

but when the C word hits your family.  and it hits your mom.  one of your very best friends.  your biggest supporter and cheerleader.  your sidekick.  your telephone buddy and shopping companion.  your - "i came from you, and you raised me, and i'm so much like you." it can seem too much to handle.  i'm a C word nurse.  nobody i know is allowed to get the C word.  especially my mom.  i need her.  forever.

end of story.