some lessons i learned

i attended a palliative care class last friday and monday. for 16+ hours, i heard lectures on death and dying, pain management, how to communicate difficult news to mourning families, the stages of grief, etc. we shared devastating stories, some beautiful experiences with good deaths. and we even walked the journey of our own passing - imagining the losses experienced along the way: the loss of control, the inability to complete favorite tasks/hobbies/activities, the changes in our relationships, the weakening of our muscles and perhaps our spirit. and although i've heard these lectures before and completed these activities, although i constantly think of illness and dying, i learned NEW things. i appreciated the time to reflect on my job. and my life. to acknowledge the difficult work that i do. and the toll it takes on my heart.

here are a few things i learned.

first of all, i find it amazing that as a nurse, i have the opportunity to attend classes about death and dying. there are hours and hours of lessons to be learned. we just glossed over some subjects and we spent SIXTEEN hours learning. and in med school (or PA school, since i have "shared" cole's experience as a student), they spend maybe ONE hour learning these same subjects. no wonder some doctors have a difficult time with this process...

we discussed the importance of breath. scientifically, i get that we need to breathe. that there is oxygen exchange in our lungs. that every muscle in our body needs 02 to function. but what i never really think about or practice is the importance of deep breathing as a nurse, when i get anxious or have to do difficult things. one lecturer asked us what things makes us nervous as nurses. being sterile and placing foley catheters? placing IVs? walking into the room of a dying patient and talking to crying family members? when is it that we find our hearts racing, our minds whirring with fear and anxiety? when do we run on auto-pilot instead of acting as humans with caring and compassionate hearts? and what if we took intentional deep breaths during those moments to slow down our own heart rates and to allow our brain to receive the oxygen it needs to use our frontal lobe and actually THINK and ACT.

i was also reminded about attitude. they say "attitude is everything." and i actually believe that. but still, i start most of my days grumpy. not wanting to be at work. annoyed that i have a certain assignment with difficult patients, ones that call too much or are rude to staff. what if instead of starting out with a negative attitude, i spent just 60 seconds recalling why it is that i became a nurse? what if i remembered that my goal has always been to take care of vulnerable (sometimes grumpy) people and make a difference in their life? to help people along challenging illnesses that sometimes end in death and to make that road easier, to listen and share in intimate experiences? might my day be better? YES.

i'm gonna put these lessons into action!