psych nurse?!?

yesterday, a 39 year old woman died on our unit. she was diagnosed with AML (acute myelogenous leukemia) on friday night after an admission to the ER for SOB (shortness of breath, not son-of-a-bitch). i've seen this before. it's not something that should surprise me. cancer can sometimes be acute, instead of chronic. and sadly, it can kill people very suddenly. but i can't help but continue to be AMAZED that this woman, this mother of four, was "fine" last wednesday and today, she's dead. her children are motherless. her teenage children will be raised by her sisters and her 6 month old was taken into CPS when the aunties said they were unable to take in a baby.

i talked to cole last night on the phone (he's living in puyallup now for the next 4 months, ugh) and shared the story. and i reminded him (and myself) that it makes sense that i have irrational thoughts sometimes. that when i have cramps, i think i have ovarian cancer. or when i feel exhausted for a few days, it must be mono. my coughs turn into tuberculosis. and my bruises must be a sign of leukemia. i see these things happen. on a regular basis. to young, previously healthy people. my norm at work is to see the worst of the worst.

then, sometimes, every now and then, i get to care for a wacko! and i laugh. at the same place i sometimes find myself crying. yesterday, i transferred the same whack job from my last post to the psych unit. finally, they were willing and able to take her. and although she threw her feces at someone in the morning, she and i laughed some more in the afternoon. she tried to work her "magic" over on me, refusing to wear pants or get into a wheelchair. saying she would pee on herself if i didn't hurry the elevator. and telling me that once in a vegas hospital, she had a queen sized bed. i got her to laugh when i asked if she could gamble there too and i told her she must be mistaking the "hospital" with the hilton.

when i left her in a place much better suited to handle her needs, i almost longed to be a psych nurse. there is no cancer there. and although people are sad, there is less dying. and maybe, just maybe, more laughing.