laundry detergent

as i walked in to work today, before i could even settle in, before i had even talked to anyone, the charge nurse accosted me and said, "christa, do you wear perfume?"  as if i wear perfume!  before i could answer, more questions followed.  "do you use tide, kirkland brand detergent, or dryer sheets?"  huh?!?  seriously?!?  did i shower?  might i have hairspray in?  scented lotions?  do i wear deoderant?  really?!?  a patient wants her nurse to NOT wear deoderant.  yes i use kirkland brand detergent; it's cheap.  and i am cheap.

anyway, i was assigned a patient who is extremely sensitive to smells.  one look at her allergy list had me almost chuckling.  seriously, who is allergic to prednisone?  or benadryl?  both medications used to treat allergic reactions.

i guess i've been a nurse for too long.  because instead of being sensitive and accommodating, i kind of laughed, called the patient a freak, and decided to lie.  it may not be one of my finer moments.  but seriously, WHO on my unit doesn't wear deoderant?  i think there's one girl (and she smells horribly) but that doesn't qualify her as the best nurse for this crazy patient.  nope.  somehow it qualified ME!  even though i use kirkland brand detergent.  and decided to LIE!
when i walked into her room, before i could even introduce myself, i got a "stop right there.  before you get any closer.  put your hands up!"  well, i didn't get the "put your hands up" part.  but the rest of it i got.  "what detergent do you use?" to which i replied, "some organic brand i cannot recall the name of."  BINGO!  "oh, i think we'll get along fine then."

and we did.  my kirkland brand detergent didn't make my patient cough or sneeze.  nor did my dove deoderant.  or my cheap tresemme hairspray.  in fact, my patient was discharged today.  and i got a hug!  she got close enough to smell my lunch (which she interrupted) and didn't complain about my garlic breathe or my detergent!