i had a mostly shitty day. and it ended even worse than shitty. i think i might have killed a baby raccoon. i don't like animals that much; but i've never wanted to kill one. and it didn't help that i was giving a ride home to a friend of mine and when i screeched on my brakes, she literally started wailing. i didn't know humans could cry so instantaneously. it was ridiculous.
anyhoo, back to nursing. i started my day with three patients today, all of whom were in their early 30s. none of them were transplant patients. they all had some sort of gynecologic cancer.
33 yrs old - cervical cancer with metastases to the lungs and abdomen. i sent her home on hospice at 10:45. i had never met her or her family. but i had to discharge her, say goodbye, and wish her "peace." i mean, seriously, what was i supposed to say.
31 yrs old - newly diagnosed ovarian cancer status post L ovary removal (in addition to an 18 pound mass that was removed from her abdomen) with an open abdominal incision draining lots of fluid
34 yrs old - breast cancer post op day +1 status post a L mastectomy with 2 bulb drains
i'm NOT a gynecology oncology nurse. nor am i a post op nurse. i was in over my head today. and in over my heart. i dislike caring for folks my age, especially women with gynecological cancer issues. does it get worse than that? could a woman be any more vulnerable? i helped a 34 year old woman try on a bra for the first time since her entire left breast was removed; we looked at her scars together. it made me sad. and grateful for my health.
at 5:45 tonight, i admitted another patient. a 39 year old male. he's getting a transplant in 6 days. he's too young too. but at least i understand transplant patients. and at least he doesn't have any unhealthy lady parts.
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