lessons from a patient,

the patient was ME.

yesterday, i was a patient AGAIN. and can i just say, what a strange experience! that role reversal feels so weird.

without going into graphic details, let's just say, i had some polyps removed from a private place. and it required general anesthetic. i'm fine. all is well. "a forest of polyps" was removed and i should be good as new.

but wow! how weird to be in a gown, with my hiney sticking out. with an IV in my arm. with drugs fogging my brain and blurry vision taking over the room. an hour or two of my life went by without my awareness. people poked and prodded me. a machine breathed for me. and i woke up to a quivering jaw and chattering teeth.

being inquisitive and curious, i asked all sorts of questions, even in my drugged stupor. how did i respond to the sedation? am i a light-weight, as i expected? did i have any irregular heart rhythms while i was being monitored? did that annoying beeping mean that my oxygen saturation was low? "no, please don't give me demerol for my extreme shakes. i will be fine, eventually." "did someone let my mom and friend know that i am okay?' i'm such a chatterbox, even when sleepy and drugged.

but i learned, AGAIN, that i don't like being a patient. medicine and procedures, nurses and doctors, gowns and needles make people feel extremely vulnerable. the nurse didn't really soothe my anxiety; she did not explain everything that was going on. everything felt a bit rushed. before i knew it, before i could ask all my questions, i was OUT, three sheets to the wind.

on a regular basis, i walk into a patients room expecting that my patients KNOW what i am doing... certainly they've had chemotherapy before. of course they've had a blood transfusion. this far along in their treatment, they must be familiar with blood draws and IV antibiotics. right? WRONG!

my patients deserve more from me. they deserve more thorough explanation. they deserve to have ALL their questions answered. they deserve to feel safe and confident in their care. they deserve my best, each and every day, each and every time i walk in their door. here's to better nursing in my future....