Dear Jakie

today i was sorting through old paperwork and files of cards that i keep, mostly from my mom and friends (you'd think emma and i were lovers. i save all of her cards because they are the best, kindest, most encouraging sentiments). and i came across an entire file of lovely reminders of the people i have cared for in my lifetime. some from even before i became a nurse.

a picture of one of my favorite campers (carol, the most special of women with downs syndrome) whose kiss would brighten anyone's day.

helen lahey's obituary - my church grandma, who befriended me when i was a kid. she sat in the pew in front of us and loved me as if i were her own.

a photo of dick brunell from room 21. he's flipping off the camera. he was one of my favorite's at Bailey Boushay. He pretended to dislike everyone. But he liked me. I was so young then I hardly recognize myself.

but the little scrap of paper that made me cry the most, that touches me every time i find it... a note to jakie. i don't remember jakie. he must have died while i was a nursing assistant. even then, it was my job to do post mortem care. to clean dead bodies and prepare them for the morgue. this note was left by his side (and i couldn't bare to throw it away). i share it only because i know you will honor it and cherish the words as much as i do.

dated march 19th, 2004

Dear Jakie,
What can I say? Jakie, I don't want you to die! Already, I feel as if an arm or a leg has been cut from my body. After being married for 55 years, it is hard to imagine continuing life without you by my side - but I will try to muddle on.
Oh Jakie, I am going to miss you so much!
All my love forever and ever.
Dear Sweet