sink or swim

so, i'm precepting yet another new nurse. this one is a bit older than the wee-ones i've been teaching, just out of college, barely old enough to drink. nursing is this lady's second career. and i'm nervous she will need a third.

i've prepepted MANY nurses. i wanna say at least 20. maybe more. and all of them have turned out decent. a few, exceptional. but this one leaves me concerned. and i feel horrible about it.

new nurses (even experienced nurses) get six weeks of one on one training with me (or another preceptor on our unit). over the course of these six weeks, i do my best to impart my nursing wisdom and teach not just the policies and procedures on "how" we do things, but the "why" behind the things we do too. our goal is that after orientation, we have shaped, molded, and created a SAFE nurse - one who is not only capable of caring for a patient's complex needs but also, one willing and aware of when to ask for help if she/he is in over her/his head. some people feel nervous to ask for help, as if needing assistance is a kind of failure. but the scarier person is the one who doesn't know that help is needed.

i've been worried about this new nurse since the beginning. on our third week together, i started to voice my concerns to our assistant nurse manager. by week four, i spoke with the head honcho. and now, at the end of six weeks and with two more 12 hour shifts added to extend orientation as a continued trial, i feel in over my head. as if i have nothing left to teach. that perhaps this woman is just incapable of learning. that she is too nervous, forgetful, or dumb to be a good nurse. at the end of tomorrow's shift, i'm supposed to meet with our manager and help decide if our unit is just "not a good fit." that's what she's calling it. but basically, she means we might fire her. and i will have played a HUGE role in that decision.

typically more than one person precepts a new employee. but after three shifts with another preceptor, this new nurse expressed that she and i had a better relationship. that my teaching methods worked better for her. that her other preceptor added stress instead of relieving it. so here i am, her only teacher, with only hours left to teach... and i don't want to go to work tomorrow.

wish us luck. it's sink or swim time tomorrow...