souls

on tuesday, i watched my patient take her last breaths.  she had no family at her bedside.  she was all alone (other than for my presence).  and so i held her hand.  and watched her for several minutes.  to see if she was going to breathe one more time.  to see if i could see her soul leave her body.  but she never breathed again.  and i didn't see her soul leave her body.  but something happened to mine.  i can't name it.  but i felt proud of myself for staying with a woman when i was afraid.  and i felt alive even though i felt so sad.