a week of chaos

i didn't write last week because it was just too CRAZY!

now that the events have come and gone and i am more rested, i don't feel like "reflecting" on the chaos. i'm trying to get over it, not delve deeper. but i will share the "highlights."

monday of last week, i had to make that scary phone call to the mother of a 21 year old. it overwhelmed me in some way and i really didn't like being the bearer of bad news.

that afternoon, i also admitted a patient with low blood pressures - 80s/40s. She was unable to get in and out of bed on her own due to hypotension and new-onset bilateral lower extremity weakness. try safely getting a hefty woman with limp legs to the toilet after a failed attempt at a bedpan.

tuesday and wednesday i had off from work. and to be honest, i don't remember much of what transpired. but i know it involved a few tears, a visit to my therapist, and trying to get out of a date with a foreigner that reminded me of my father (poor english, balding, and black socks).

thursday of last week was the most intense. my dear, dear friend's uncle had had surgery prior in the week. and sadly, to our shock and dismay, he coded early that morning due to a swollen airway. cassie called me while i was at work to share the news. uncle john had been emergently intubated and placed in the ICU. but it didn't look good.

just by chance, my mother also had a good friend in the ICU. i know her well - when i was little, she drove my carpool and her kids and i played together making gymnastic routines in the lawn and swimming in the lake. she had donated a kidney to her sister-in-law. so while visiting and supporting cassie, i decided to visit my mom's friend also - just to check in. she was doing satisfactorily. so imagine my disbelief when i heard a code blue called in her room just hours later. could i really know two people teetering on the brink of life or death in the same unit of the same hospital just rooms away? yup. as i was running down there to offer support to her family, i ran into my mom's friend's husband. he was clueless as to what was happening. so, of course, i had to take it upon myself to share the news and walk him into the scene. 15 doctors, code cart, chaos. to make a long story short, turns out, she's okay.

that same evening though, while still working my 12 hour shift , just to keep things exciting, my fourth patient of the day "decided" to fall at 6 PM. a STAT head CT and incident report ensued. and my day ended in a blur. if i were a drinker, i would have kicked back a few!

friday brought sadness. it was determined that cassie's uncle had no brain activity. so in the morning, his courageous family decided to withdraw care and allow him to pass. an adventurous, inspirational, and beloved man died that day. a family lost their father, brother, uncle, and friend - and the world will never be the same.

because someone/something had decided that i was superwoman and could handle more...

to end my work week, one of my three patients on friday evening began to suffer from chest pain. so instead of lazily charting, spacing out at a computer screen, and taking the time to say goodnight to each of my patients, i ran around the unit like a chicken with my head cut off. there were numerous emergency meds, STAT orders, tests, and blood draws. it's a strange thing to watch someone in pain, perhaps having a heart attack in front of your very eyes, and to be unable to stop it. and it's even weirder to go home before the conclusion, not knowing how the story ends.

saturday morning, i went hiking. ALONE. i spent 4 hours outside in misty rain and clouds. i had brought music to listen to, in case i needed "company." but truly, the noise was too stimulating. i needed silence. i needed to breathe in fresh air and blow out a week of chaos.