control freaks

as a nurse, i'm a caretaker. i like to take control of a situation and make things better. it's very hard for me to take a backseat. i'd hate to admit that i'm conceited or arrogant, but as a control freak, one often thinks that she can do things better. and in this situation, i want to take control and make things better.

(i know i can't. and even if i tried, the final result would be the same. i am no better equipped to handle the situation than the people in charge. but i'm bad at being a spectator.)

we have a family friend, let's call him C. he is one of the kindest men i've known. he is only a few years older than i am. he's the father of two boys - A is 16 and D is 12. his wife has a 19 year old daughter and he takes his parenting role very seriously, even with her. he works hard all week, working two jobs, to support his family, so that on the weekends, he can spend quality time with his children. they go to church. they play an active role in their hispanic community. C wants to give his children more than he had growing up. he wants them to be educated, upstanding citizens.

but sadly, all of their lives changed this week when A pulled a gun on D and shot him in the mouth. i wish i could say it was an accident. but bottom line is, the boys were rough-housing and A got out a gun and pulled a trigger. certainly A did not mean to kill D; and thank god, he didn't. D is in serious condition and will hopefully recover with minimal side effects (once the reconstructive surgeries, physical therapy, and possibly speech therapy is complete). but the fact of the matter is, A had a gun. it was purchased illegally. it has been discovered he is a part of a gang. and now he is in jail. he is being tried as an adult. and will forever be haunted by the fact that he shot his own brother over a video game.

because C is so devastated and in such a state of shock, i'm worried that he won't know how to navigate the medical and judicial system. he doesn't have the money to pay for high quality lawyers; and he's not in the right state of mind to research law offices who take pro-bono cases. i'm worried he won't demand the best care at the hospital. what if he doesn't know that you can request interpreters, certain nurses, social workers, and special treatment. i hate to admit that the system works in this way, but i truly believe that unless you demand high quality care, you often get just mediocre care.

and so, because i can't just sit and watch, my dad and i went to visit C and D in the hospital yesterday. it was a strange site to see; i've only seen one other child intubated and in serious condition (it was my sister when i was just 12 years old and she was 16). anyway, D looked peaceful and amazingly, in one piece after a GSW (gun shot wound - those of you who watched ER or Gray's Anatomy should know the abbreviation). he is well taken care of. his nurse was doing a fine job, likely her best. and in the brief time i was there, a social worker showed up to provide assistance.

it was good for me to see that D is getting good care. that the system is working to support C. many people are working hard to save this little boy, to give him the most normal life possible after being shot by his brother.

and it's sometimes okay for me to watch others do their job. sometimes it's okay for a nurse to just be a person. to just hug C and offer him human support instead of nursing support. it's okay to not be in control. very infrequently do my attempts at control work out anyway!