Saturday, September 11, 2010

hope vs no hope

yesterday there was a glimmer of hope in my day. a patient that i had taken care of a month or so ago had been re-admitted with a horrible fungal infection located deep within his brain. he needed a massively invasive surgery to remove the infection and pieces of decayed brain matter. this is not the good news. the bright side came when i walked into the patient's room and met his 20 year old son. he was kind and talkative; he introduced himself to me and thanked our hospital and staff for taking such good care of his dad and for supporting his mom. then, he proceeded to place smiley face stickers all over his dad's gauzy bandaged head.

sadly, today there was no hope. on a telemetry monitor located above the computer at which i was charting, i watched a 36 year old man's heart rate go from a very sick and rapid rate of 150 to zero. and i listened to his laotian wife wail ghastly cries in the hallway. as comfortable as i feel with death, it never feels normal to watch someone slip away... or to hear someone's shrieking anguish and pain.

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